When you first discover that you are pregnant, you are SO excited to be sharing your body with a new little stranger. “I can’t believe there is a LIFE inside of me,” most of us gush at some point. “Of COURSE I will share my womb with you!” we tell our budding little embryos. We can’t wait until our new cohabiters actually start to make their presence known (in ways other than making us vomit). We want to SEE the baby growing and FEEL the little bumps under our skin…to know without a doubt that we are no longer “alone.”
Nine months later…it’s like being at the end of a very long college semester with the roommate who snores, leaves hair all over the shower and wakes up by listening to the same (obnoxious) CD every single morning. You’re still friends, but you try to think of ways to politely tell her that you can’t stand the thought of living with her one more day. You even research other housing options for her to make the transition more appealing. It’s a tough conversation. There aren’t enough Hallmark cards that say, “I love you, but you’re making me miserable.”
Well, giant fetus of mine…here’s the deal. You have a great nursery with a comfy crib all set up and waiting for you. You have a bassinet next to mommy and daddy’s bed. You have a Moses basket that your big sister loved and a pack-n-play set up in the basement family room. You also have two swings…including one of those cool new Papasan swings that sways from side to side (and I wish they made in my size). I really don’t care which of these places you choose to make your favorite snoozing spot. We can rotate you all day long if you’d like. I just think it’s time to give up your favorite placenta pillow. I want my body back.
As you know, I had been giving you the option of leaving at a time that was convenient for you. I know moving can be pretty stressful. However, things have recently changed. If you are not out by tonight, my doctor has agreed to help me evict you. I just want to give you fair warning. I hope there are no hard feelings about this. It’s been fun sharing, but I simply think it’s time you moved on to bigger and better digs. I promise that you’ll love life “on the outside.” We’ll both be so much more comfortable…you’ll see! I’m looking forward to seeing you, son. Now get out!
Hugs and kisses,
Mommy
